Remember the Frog
Chapter 1: The Ceremony
It was to be a big night for the Frogels. Bigger than they could have ever imagined
Dusk set in just as Mr. Beavy finished chopping down his last log. The Great Wooden Pyramid ceremony was tonight, and it was the forest animals' favorite night of the year. “The wood next to the bog has some termite damage, but we've collected the rest in the area,” Mr. Beavy reported to Jared.
“Thank you for your help,” said Jared, “but we still have to build the pyramid before the Moon becomes bright. Help the Buckingsworths assemble it, since they can only use their antlers.” Mr. Beavy nodded and shuffled away as Jared turned back to his wife, Mrs. Frogel. She caressed his hind legs to calm him down.
“Don't worry, honey. You're the best leader in this bog,” said Mrs. Frogel. “I know,” croaked Jared. “I just want everything to go as planned. Last year it rained and the Moon wouldn't show.” She touched his tender wart. “There isn't a cloud in the sky tonight. Everything will go perfectly fine.” She gave Jared a nice wet ribbit on the cheek, and hopped off to tend to their children, Bulba and Ivy. Jared was still uneasy, but he knew his wife was right. It was getting darker now and the pyramid was almost finished. He made his way over to the clearing where the rest of the forest was gathered.
Around the base of the pyramid were some stones that the foxes had rolled into place with their noses. Jared hopped up onto the tallest one to address the crowd of animals, and they soon fell hush. The beginning of the ceremony always demanded a speech, to remind the animals of the Sun and the Moon that gave them life. Every human knows that religion was founded on astronomy and that real gods are fake and gay, but these are lesser evolved animals, so religion is okay here. Jared cleared his gullet of the leftover fly he had eaten earlier that day, and spoke.
“My fellow forest friends. Tonight is a big nighta special nightwhere we pay thanks to the almighty beings in the sky. The Sun. It brings us light. It helps the plants grow, and gives us all food to eat. It keeps us warm, and our spirits warmer. And the Moon. It doesn't really do anything for us except look cool when it's either completely full or barely a crescent, and it doesn't burn our eyes when we look at it. We were cast to live under both of these entities, and the Great Wooden Pyramid is a symbol to remind us to try to be closer to them. To strive higher. To become closer to their great beyond. To test ourselves and our ability to survive. Now join me in starting the ring around the pyramid as we sing songs of the bog and tunes of”
“Did you guys hear that?!” squeaked Mr. Batz. A fierce rustle of leaves stirred the forest floor in the distance. Whatever was coming, it was making a lot of noise, and moving quickly.
“I can see them!” exclaimed Mr. Hawken. “It'sit's a pack ofHUMANS!”
Chapter 2: The Invasion
The animals became frantic and started to disperse. Jared tried to keep everyone calm, but nobody was listening. As the humans got closer he became weak in the legs. He knew something bad was going to happen tonight. He sat on the rock, frozen with fear. “Out of all the Boggs in the forest, why are there humans here?” he thought in his momentary numbness.
“Daddy!” yelled his daughter, Ivy. “Daddy, run!” Jared looked down towards the edge of the clearing and saw his family waiting anxiously for him come. “Daddy, you have to cum now!” she exclaimed again.
Jared came to his senses and went to hop down from the rock, but his hind leg was caught in something. “I can't move!” he yelled back to his family. It turns out there was a gnasty fox boog that was on the rock from when they rolled them next to the pyramid, and now dried, his leg was stuck in place. “Just go!” he whelped down to them. “Jared!” cried Mrs. Frogel. The humans were almost to the pyramid. “Go now!” he repeated. She looked at the humans, and then flashed one last desperate look his way. She pushed the kids in front of her and started leaping away.
Jared kept fighting to break free as the humans were clearly visible now. And he did. Bulba was looking back and saw him hop down from the rock. “Daddy's free!” she yelled out. The other two Frogels and some of the other forest animals turned back to watch his escape. He took one hop towards the edge of the clearing as a human foot stomped into the ground right in front of him. It was too late.
The humans quickly took over and gathered around the pyramid. They didn't seem to have noticed Jared though as the moonlight wasn't quite bright enough. He stayed as still as possible, and hoped to wait out the tragedy. The other animals watched from a safe distance.
“yea and then I totally banged his sister and now he hates me,” the tallest one said as he swilled down a Diet Dr. Shasta through a reused sporty Gatorade bottle. “It was totally worth it.”
“Why is he drinking a soda while the other three are drinking beer, Momma?” asked Bulba. “Because he's a pussy,” replied Mrs. Frogel. “He's also drinking Shasta and not Dr. Pepper, so he's clearly poorer than Jio,” she added.
The group of humans continued to make noise as they got settled. A stack of newspapers dropped right beside Jared. It frightened him, but he remained still. “What are they going to do with those?” he pondered. Speak of the Tasmanian devil, he got to find out. One of the cool humans began shoving crumpled up pieces under the base of the pyramid, and lighting them on fire with a red tipped stick. Jared's jaw dropped. They were burning the pyramid. The tallest human stood up with a square can and shot some liquid out of it and onto the pyramid. It burst into flames. “Let's speed things up a little,” he said as he put down the can of gasoline.
“How did he do that, Momma?” asked Ivy. “Gasoline is a highly combustible fluid. It's actually the gasoline vapors that caused the fire to ignite so quickly, though. That tall human has no patience or finesse, so he started the fire like some poser Queb would,” she replied. Despite the Frogel mother's level-mindedness, all of the animals of the forest were in shock while witnessing their hard work go up in flames.
The fire grew larger and so did Jared's fearfulness. The destruction of their sacred relic was now making things brighter and hotter, so he was afraid of being exposed. It had seemed like he was there for an eternity.
Chapter 3: The Final Judgment
Not two seconds after that thought, the tallest human interrupted the nice conversation everyone else was having. “OOOoooOOoo, what do we have here??” his tongue trilled off. The light from the fire had reflected off of Jared's toad sweat, and he had been spotted. The tall human littered his awful drink onto the forest floor, smacked his lips, and rubbed his hands together. Jared looked up at him, and had a line of sight straight up under the human's basketball shorts where his glistening vinegar scrotum was exposed. He was commando because, “chicks dig that, eheh,” and because his raging genital herpes needed to cool off in the night air. He bent over and reached for Jared. The frog remained motionless.
Jared was scared for his life. Everyone was touching and looking at him as the tall one held him in his palms. The forest animals were eager to go in and try to help, but they knew they had to keep their distance and just watch. They were no match for the humans. As cool and collected Jared looked on the outside, he was panicking mentally, and now physically, on the inside. The flies he had eaten earlier must have been bad, and coupled with his possible eminent death, his bowels needed to evacuate now. He was holding it back, not wanting to frighten the human, but then he realized something. “If I defecate all over this ass hole's hands, maybe he will become distracted, drop me to the ground, and I can safely escape.”
So Jared tightened his stomach muscles like a Beyblade and let it rip. Piss and shit flung all over the tall human's already filthy hands and arms. He bobbled the frog into the air. “It worked!” Jared thought in excitement. The forest animals were holding their breaths. He was heading straight for the ground, but just before he hit it, the tall human grabbed him with his disgusting hands. The forest gasped.
“Where do ya think you're going ya little bitch?” he said as he licked his fingers clean. “No one pisses and shits on me and gets away with it!” With one swift movement, he put Jared into one hand and raised him high above his head. Jared looked out into the dark forest one last time to see his family, and they looked back at him. There was a slight pause, and then the tall human's arm thrusted downward and slam dunked Jared into the fire like a Super Bowl winning touchdown celebration. The frog splattered on contact with the wood in the fire, and his entrails flew all over the other humans. The parts that stayed in the fire were instantly incinerated. The animals were horrified.
The normal humans became disgusted with their “friend” and the frog guts all over their clothes, so they decided to toss some water on the bonfire and leave. The tall human insisted they stay for “just a sec” longer as he dug out his micropenis from his basketball shorts. The others frowned, shook their heads, and kept walking away as the tall one urinated all over the extinguished fire, and the demolished pyramid. He finished up and proceeded to scratch his anus, since no one was looking, and he sniffed his fingers as he strutted away, victorious.
Everything holy and sacred was completely destroyed that night for the remaining Frogels, and for the rest of the forest that witnessed the massacre. The bog was never the same again, and the animals of the forest abandoned their civil ways by becoming aggressive and dangerous. There was an anger that was brewing amongst them. With the right directionwith the right leadershipit was an anger that could fuel their revenge.
To be continued