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G-Bombz's Steam Profile Pic: The Dark Truth

It was 3am when he heard the howl. It was Gunther, the family dog. Usually Gunther only barked when visitors came to the door. Little Johnny Galoshes sprung up from his bed like Daddy's peepee in the morning, realizing somebody might be trying to break in. He got on his tippy toes and peeked out his window to see if anyone was at the front steps, but no one was there. Gunther kept barking.

A light suddenly crept in under LJG's door, and he heard footsteps. “Mama must be awake,” he thought to himself. It was just the two of them since Daddy left for The War. Not wanting to wake him up, Mama went downstairs to the kitchen to straighten out Gunther. “I wonder if she'll use the newspaper on him or the belt,” Johnny pondered. The paperboy usually comes at 4:15. Gunther was out of luck.

J-Gal listened to her footsteps by his door. All at once, her thumping turned from a rhythmic march to a free-form jazz exercise. She had fallen down the stairs. “Mama!” the Little boy cried out. He was scared to open his door to go check on Mama, but then he found the courage inside, just like when Daddy left for The War. He opened the door and went to the banister.

Mama laid unconscious at the foot of the stairs as Gunther's barks got louder. “Ohh, she must have gotten sleepy while walking downstairs and decided to take a nap,” thought Little Johnny, like a stupid fucking idiot. Gunther got even louder, and there were now barks coming from outside the house. John decided to go downstairs to cuddle with Mama, and to hopefully quiet down Gunther as she slept.

About half way down the stairs, Johnny Piss Boots (as his 1st Grade friends would call him) saw a shimmer of light come from the kitchen. The moonlight had reflected off of something metallic. He could see Gunther's tight little rear from the dim light that was casting down from Mama's room, but the rest of the kitchen was too dark to see. It was then that Gunther let out a loud screech, and shortly thereafter fell silent. The barking from outside seemed to get closer.

John was now frozen on the stairs, staring at the doorway to the kitchen. He waited for what seemed to feel like 4 years, which was how long ago Daddy left for The War, and slowly but surely, the creature that silenced the dog emerged into the dim light. He was a short little Asian gnome-like figure, but instead of a dwarven hat atop his head, there was a metal auger. Johnny-G didn't know what an auger was, so he thought it was a screw, like a dumb little retard.

He still sat stiff as the figure crawled towards Mama. It mounted her lifeless face, and started to press its head into hers. “Nooo Mama! Wake up!” Johnathan exclaimed, as blood started to rush down Mama's head. He hadn't seen this much blood come out of Mama's head since before Daddy left for The War. He was in shock, and still couldn't move as he watched Mama get drilled. The barking from outside was inside the house now. A different dog must have gotten in the same way this Screwy Gnomy did.

The gnome finished off Mama, wiped off its head, and looked up the stairs. Galoshes' natural instincts to run finally kicked in, but his first step was poorly placed, and he too fell down the stairs. He instantly shattered both of this legs as he tumbled over Mama's dead carcass, and knocked into the table next to the foyer. The bowl with Mama's Lincoln MKZ keys smashed onto the ground. The Polaroid camera that they used to take the family photo before Daddy left for The War, and the framed photo itself, also came crashing down. The gnome started to approach Daddy's Little Boy as he glanced at their broken family photo. He grabbed the Polaroid camera and yelled, “I'm going to show the world who killed me and you'll go to jail, just like Daddy's friends!” The gnome remained speechless as he approached. Little Johnny Galoshes raised the camera to take the picture. Just as he was looking through the view finder, the curious barking dog from outside peeked over the gnome's shoulder. It made him jump once more, and he snapped the photo. The gnome proceeded to do to the boy what he had done to Mama, and the dog watched with a stupid grin.

The police found the dead family 3 days later. The only clues they had were the multiple loads of molten steel and dog semen found on the bodies, and the freshly taken photo on the ground. It was held for evidence, and the two non-human felons are still at large. Apart from working at Nintendo, my dad was also the CSI: Miami investigator that gathered the evidence for this case. I stole that photo from him and made it my Steam profile picture. The End.