Forum / General Discussion / Your son might be a hacker: (2001)

Your son might be a hacker: (2001)

hilarious fucking article about a retarded parent giving tips about how your son might be a hacker read up lol

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

heres all the highlights if your lazy:

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal.

Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip!

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves.

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites.

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make him understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War
These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program.If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks

Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.

lolwut

LOL
:3
dum <3

lmao this is so old, i read this years ago. but yeah, its pretty funny xD

also: As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises.

lolll. best parent EVER. god i wish my parents were that involved..

Poll
  I'm scared of hackers because
They hack into NASA 5% 
They steal things 4% 
They are violent sociopaths 4% 
They use amphetamines and speed 7% 
They help Osama Bin Laden 14% 
They're un-American 5% 
They smell bad 58% 

Votes: 11015

i love the poll too.

i learned something new today..

Girls can't be hackers.
Only sons.

;D

KITTIE IS A BOY????

no, im saying that as an illusion
dont give shit away..

kitties a girl.. she "cant" hack ;]

ohhh right. right. ofc. girls cant hack o_O

Staticgirl wrote:
kitties a girl.. she "cant" hack ;]

No but kitty DOES try positions

Shit Kittie would probably hack you into having sex with her hanging off of a bridge,lol
Just zap your eyes  through your monitor then, plow!!! she gots ya

i dont think kitties trying anything like that

;< lame

I miss kittie :[

Staticgirl wrote:
I miss kittie :[

she txted me today, she said she missed me but also specifically said she didnt miss static.

Oh yeah? I think your lieing..
You just WANT that to happen, your just WANTING kittie to txt you

actually she did txt me today lol

Staticgirl wrote:
Oh yeah? I think your lieing..
You just WANT that to happen, your just WANTING kittie to txt you

Wow someones stext jealous. Ok satros your pimp game is to visible right now so you need to lay low for awhile before stat put a electric dog leash around your neck, lol then the fellas would really clown you.

Satros wrote:
actually she did txt me today lol

she texted me yesterday telling me she heard I was trying positions lol

:3
Kitties gunna hax yew all..